Is it failure or compromise?

I feel as though I’ve taken on too much and I’m at the point of tipping.

But isn’t that just an excuse for not trying?

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This year is coming to an end, and quickly. Let me recap 2017

  • Work full-time in an industry I despise
  • Commute 90 minutes DAILY each way for work (until I quit in April)
  • Move out on my own
  • Break down multiple times at work and eventually quit
  • Go to school full-time all year around (yes, Summer too)
  • Family offered to employ me; don’t know the first thing about the industry
  • Take charge of marketing & social media for the company
  • Change medications and/or regimen more times than I can count
  • Shopping addiction
  • Daily anxiety
  • Health issues

So…I guess it is pretty safe to say that this year has been quite the rollercoaster. Don’t get me wrong, not everything was bad…But stress can be in a good form too (like a new job).

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I started the current semester with 4 classes (13 units). Due to a surgery (oh yeah! I forgot to add that to the list above!) and issues with my stomach, I missed too much of 1 class and withdrew from it.

2 of my classes are condensed classes, basically extra extra stressful, and those started 5 weeks ago.

I’m not understanding one of the classes, it’s a subject that I have never fully grasped, American Govt. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I don’t need this class for my degree, I just figured it would be good to take it.

Now, withdrawing from a class does NOT hit my GPA, according to my school. But where it does hit, is my brain.

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Dropping one class…..my brain can rationalize that. But two?

Now I’m bordering on defining myself as a failure.

And possibly even stupid…How can I not understand my own country’s government?

I might as well get out my thesaurus and look up the words that I’ve never even seen before and trace them back to a word that is at, like, elementary school level that I can understand.

I don’t understand. Am I compromising with all my anxiety and stress? Am I taking the easy way out? Am I a failure for giving up?

It’s difficult to be rational.

 

 

 

My sincerest appreciation to you for taking the time to read my entry/entries. If I can incite happiness and/or hope in just 1 person’s life, that is enough. There is a stigma against mental illness. That it has a certain face or feature. It doesn’t. 

xoxo

Allison/AllyNik

2 Replies to “Is it failure or compromise?”

  1. Dropping more than one class does not make you a failure. In this case, it means you chose the wrong class when you scheduled.

    You’ve had an amazing year, full of ups and downs. I can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store.

  2. I give you major props for knowing you struggle with American Govt and still choosing to take it! While I love school and usually do well in it, I feel like I hit a mind block when it comes to certain subjects like government, political science, etc. as well. Love your posts, Allison!!

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