My extreme moods.

I sit here on a warm Saturday night, ready to go to bed already and it’s only 9:00pm.
pexels-photo-280248I’ve been contemplating deleting my last two “personal” entries. But part of me doesn’t want to ignore the fact that I felt those feelings so strongly. I didn’t feel anything else [at the time]; I just felt anger and abandonment. It was so real and nothing else mattered.

My family and I have agreed on a way to settle this dispute and I will be going with them for my dad’s 50th. It seems so odd that it was such an easy fix that took less than 12 hours. I didn’t see that at the time of the blog entry. The feeling felt permanent, like nothing would ever change it and I would be stuck with it until the specific dates [of the trip] passed.

I still feel angry, but I don’t want to. I shouldn’t. We’ve come to an agreement, I am now going with them, and I will have fun. It has been an extremely long time since we’ve gotten together and taken a trip like this. I am beyond excited.

This always happens after my moods make such an extreme shift. I ponder for a while about why I couldn’t see the shades in between – I just saw the black and the white shades. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like me when I look back.

I can sit here and constantly ask “why?”…but I wouldn’t even be able to accept the answer to that question if I were given it. That I am sure of.

 

My sincerest appreciation to you for taking the time to read my entry/entries. If I can incite happiness and/or hope in just 1 person’s life, that is enough. There is a stigma against mental illness. That it has a certain face or feature. It doesn’t. 

xoxo
Allison/AllyNikk

One Reply to “My extreme moods.”

  1. You’re right…those were your feelings at the time and they were and are real at that moment, which is all that matters. Don’t delete your feelings and thoughts. Don’t try to push them down. Accept them and then let them go. I am glad things are working out for your family. Everything always works out the way it should:)

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