Day 29/100

100DaysPart1

MARCH 16

What advice would you give your younger self & do you follow it now?

Oh wow. This post can either be extremely transparent or completely useless. Lets go with the former!

The advice that I would give my younger self would be to not rush life. I’ve always been an immediate gratification kind of gal and that got me into a lot of trouble growing up. I grew up a little too early because I needed to work pretty much full time at 16 so I decided to get out of public school and attend independent studies. When I turned 18, I started experimenting with things that most people do in high school. I thought I was invincible and got into a lot of potentially dangerous situations. I lived right off of Hollywood Blvd, so you can probably imagine. I rushed moving out of my parents house 6 days after my 18th birthday. Within a year, I became fearless, going out to party almost every night. During this time, I was also trying to balance going to school full time [I dropped out] and a demanding retail job. My sister was also born 3 months after my 18th birthday, so I felt completely abandoned by my mom and like I had to fend for myself (what I perceived at the time). Needless to say, that lifestyle didn’t get me too far and a year after I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, I was moving out without a place to go. In the following years I jumped into relationships immediately one after the other; I wanted someone to love me and want me. I was itching to get married to someone for many reasons except for love. I was 19 when this idea first popped into my head. During that time, I was in my most abusive relationship, but I didn’t care. My next relationship, around 20 years old, consisted of the same “goals”, but I wanted a child as well. I can’t believe myself as I am writing this, oh my gosh. This relationship was also no good, shocking right? After that relationship is when I was single for a year. I can’t remember much from that year because of drugs. I know I went out partying some more. At 21 is when I met my [now] boyfriend and it’s been my longest relationship. While it isn’t a perfectly healthy one, it has been healthy enough to where I’ve grown so much and have a better understanding of myself and mental illnesses that I cope with. Each year, we get better at understanding and accepting each other. We are both growing still, but I am in no rush. Now, I am actually terrified of being married and I don’t want children. I do follow this advice now, but I still struggle with immediate gratification and patience sometimes. I yearn to be more successful but, besides that, I am comfortable where I am in life right now.

I do love writing these posts that are pretty transparent and show parts of my personal life and decisions. With these posts, I am especially grateful for those who read these. I know they can contain triggers sometimes, but these posts seem to be the most relatable.

xoxoxo
AllyNikk/Allison

Divide

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: