Day 30/100

100DaysPart1

MARCH 17

Write down 5 regrets. Accept them as learning experiences & forgive yourself.

  • Getting into an abusive relationship that I was fully aware of. I gave up friends, family, and myself. I struggle, still, with PTSD from the days where he tried to kill me and knew how to get into my house undetected. This is probably my biggest regret and I live with it everyday. I beat myself up about not being strong enough and letting him do so many volatile things to me. I’ve never gotten over it, but it gets better everyday that I move on and make new memories and build new trusting relationships.
  • I ran away when I was 14. I didn’t see it as it was at the time, but it was because of a pedophile. I ran away from my father who would do anything for me and loved me so much because he found out I was ditching school with a friend and I was afraid of getting yelled at. A pedophile, that I befriended a year before, helped me evade my dad and the police. The police found me and my friend that I ditched school with at a park at 10pm. My father was so happy that I was alive, but was pissed too. I wish I never ran away that day.
  • I dropped out of college at 18. After graduating high school early, I got into FIDM and my mom co-signed for a school loan – $26,000. After moving closer to the Los Angeles campus, I stopped caring about myself and flunked out of my classes and never went back. My mom is now stuck with that loan on her credit. I help pay for it every month, but $26,000 went to waste. I should have started at a community college after high school.
  • I kept bad friends in my life, just to say I “had friends”. As an introvert, I always struggled socially and would bend over backwards for the worst friends. I’ve since accepted my preference of being introverted and have cut off a lot of unhealthy friendships.
  • I don’t spend enough time with my family, I never have. I don’t know why. I believe I think too much in depth about what they think about me. I’ve always been weird with physical contact, like hugs. My brother gives me shit for not giving a “proper hug” haha. I do wish I was more comfortable around family members.

 

xoxo
AllyNikk/Allison

Divide

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