Day 46/100

100DaysPart1

APRIL 13

Go the entire day without complaining.

This is easier said than done. I often look at the negatives in things, usually without even realizing it. Work was pretty slow and empty and, since I work with my mom, it was a pretty good day. So, there was no complaining there. When I came home, I went to go give my notice to the leasing office at my apartment complex. I have mixed emotions about this; sad, because this is a big change, it’s uncomfortable, and it really is hard to move on without him; and excited because I don’t feel held back at all anymore and I can go after my biggest dreams without needing approval from my partner. I complained once today, that I am aware of. I caught myself in the middle of it and stopped talking before I could finish my sentence. Being broken up and still living with him is confusing. The way he copes with this is getting drunk and high, coming home with a bottle of whiskey that he nearly obliterated the same night. It makes me angry being here, in my own home, watching this. I know I need to keep my opinions to myself now and I have no room to express them towards him anymore, but this is not a good coping mechanism. What can you do, though? I just have to let him be himself and, one day, he’ll realize that every feeling he’s repressed doesn’t just go away with time. I realize this is my codependent self speaking and that I can never “fix” anyone, only myself. But, this was the only complaint I verbally said yesterday that I am aware of. Again, it’s a lot harder than it seems.

xoxo
AllyNikk/Allison

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