I’m in the midst of an episode. You know, depression.
It isn’t something I want to admit and it isn’t something that I want to recognize, yet here I am.
I haven’t been to therapy in a couple of months. I felt fine every time I met with her after I ended my 4 year relationship. I was happier.
I’ve gone back to junk food as my main source of fuel, even though my cholesterol is already high. I still haven’t eaten meat so I bet I’m lacking in the protein department, also.
I have no desire to go to work. It isn’t my passion.
I feel a great sense of guilt knowing that my family has a company that they want to pass on to someone who can make the company grow larger, and I feel an enormous responsibility being the eldest daughter who 1) already works there and 2) is already trained in the industry.
I feel selfish not jumping at the opportunity. I mean, not everyone can have a company being passed down through the family, let alone work for themselves. So many people would love to be in my position; so why don’t I feel as fortunate as I am?
My passion is neuroscience, not beauty. Hell, I even stopped doing my makeup, which I used to do every single morning. I just don’t care to do it anymore. I don’t care how other people see me.
I have soooooo many books regarding my passion, but I have yet to touch them. They’ve taken a seat in the back of my mind. When I’m not doing anything school related, which I love, I sit and think about the enormous responsibility I have at work and how I’ve been extremely lacking at my job, which leads me to feeling guilty.
and on….and on…..and on it goes…
Do you ever feel like things won’t get better, or that they can’t get better?
Yeah, that’s how I feel right now. I should probably make a therapy appointment.