I emphasize full because we often don’t take absolute responsibility for our decisions and/or actions.
Okay, something happens to you which was out of your control, like a car accident. I mean, maybe it was your fault for being on your phone while driving, but that isn’t the actual point. The point is that regardless of circumstance, you have the choice on how to react to something that was out of your control. You can sit in self-pity and mourn the loss of your car, repeating to yourself, “I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Absolutely not! You weren’t at fault for the accident, but you are responsible for your self-pity. You can continue to be depressed about how much you miss your car, or you can say, “F*ck it, I didn’t cause this accident and I’m going to fight for what I deserve from this careless f*cker and his insurance.” You don’t have time to worry about whether or not you’ll cause his insurance premium to rise substantially, or anything really. Circumstances will differ from person to person, but the point is that life is short and if you keep worrying about the other person, quite frankly, you’ll be miserable.
Do I seem insensitive? It depends on how you view it, but it’s ultimately your responsibility for how you perceive & react to what I’m saying.
What do I mean by saying, “We often don’t take absolute responsibility for our decisions and/or actions?” Well, I mean the tiny little blames that we place on things.
You’re late to work and receive a warning. You can blame the stoplight that wasn’t working properly or you can blame a traffic accident or you can blame the busy school crosswalk with an endless stream of children crossing the street. But are you really being honest with yourself? Take responsibility! Face it, you could’ve left your house earlier or checked the traffic conditions first thing in the morning or you could’ve taken a different route to avoid the busy school traffic. Get it?
This is the cold, hard truth. And this didn’t hit me until last night, while reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. In this book, he has no filter. One of my favorite quotes in his book is:
“Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.”
When talking about responsibility, Mark says:
“Whether we consciously recognize it or not, we are always responsible for our experiences. It’s impossible not to be. Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our lives.”
For myself, it’s extremely hard to recognize and accept that I am the main culprit of why I am so unhappy right now, but it is not the entire reason. I do not stray away from the fact that I have certain things wrong with my brain that affect my feelings and how I cope. But I cannot blame my brain for 100% of the lack of happiness. I’m the one choosing to procrastinate on everything. I’m the one who allows myself to watch Netflix more than study for school. I’m the one feeding myself absolute junk, which, SURPRISE, makes me feel even worse. I cannot blame all of this on the fact that I struggle with major depression and generalized anxiety.
Simply put, I have been wallowing in my self-pity for quite some time, hoping that something will take me out of this hole. No one or nothing is going to. It’s up to me to make a change so that I can start feeling better, more confident, and more successful.
The other issue is that I actually give way too many f*cks about how others are perceiving me. This hasn’t gotten me very far. This fear of what others think has kept me in a dark corner for the longest time. It has halted any potential successes that I may have had or any progress that I had made previously. And I am just so tired of being this way. I have so many ideas that I’ve half-assed over the last couple of years. I never finish working on these ideas only because I fear what someone will think once I finish. It’s time to stop this self-sabotage!!