“The day I came out of my depression…”
“My depression cycle has ended…”
“I don’t feel depressed anymore…”
I keep seeing stuff like this across multiple blogs. I don’t understand it.
How can you decipher the moment that your depression has lifted? Is there a particular feeling in your gut or thought in your head?
I yearn for those days where I can say, “Yes, my depression has lifted for now and everything is okay!”
I’ve been diagnosed with major depression for most of my life now. It isn’t something that I have, it’s something that I am. I don’t want it to define me as a person, but it is also something that can’t be ignored. I cannot be in someone’s life and leave depression at the door. It comes with me. I can change many things (e.g. job, location, significant other, car, diet, etc.), but this is the one thing that can’t be changed.
Sure, I can relieve symptoms and live a more productive life, but it is not like the flu. It is still there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for a damaging opportunity.
Recently, I’ve been questioning my medications. I can’t not have them, but I feel as if they aren’t as effective as they once were. Personally, I feel as though serotonin is being overly targeted while dopamine is being completely ignored. I’m not sad. I’m not suicidal. I don’t have insomnia; Actually, quite the opposite. I don’t have a poor appetite; Again, quite the opposite. I have a difficult time staying awake and a difficulty with motivation and reward processing.
While I’m not underestimating my problem with serotonin, I also don’t want dopamine neglected. Currently, I am on 2 medications that influence serotonin and 1 medication that influences dopamine and noradrenaline.
I’m not a doctor. I don’t have a medical degree. Hell, I could be extremely wrong for all I know. To me, I just personally feel like I need more attention on the dopamine neurotransmitters.
I want those days of high motivation, high energy, and a feeling of being on top of the world. Some people will probably question “Why in the world does this girl want to be in a state of ‘mania’?” I just want my motivation and energy back. I am so tired of being tired.